The Top 5 secrets to goal setting - that actually work!

A reader asked me recently about the importance of goal setting and what approach to take in order to make the process more useful…

“Dear David. I was wondering if you had any useful suggestions about setting goals and how to make it work. I have tried it before many times but it never really works out in the end especially in my study life. I’ll stick to my plans for a little while but usually end up falling off track and the goal goes unachieved. Thanks, Peter.”

Typically, I am not really a huge fan of goal setting, at least not for everyone. But having said that, here are my thoughts on how best to go about goal setting and actually have it work for you. I give you, my top 5 secrets…

1. Set out what you definitely want to achieve but without being overly specific.

Some people say that it’s very important to know in precise detail exactly what your goals are. This, I believe, can sometimes be unhelpful. The problem with formulating goals for yourself that are very specific is that it increases the likelihood of failure – for absolutely no good reason. Let’s say for example that a person sets the goal that they really want to get into shape. Following common goal setting advice, they might construct a list of very specific outcomes they hope to achieve. It might look like…

• I want to lose at least 12 pounds by July.

• I want my waist size to be a 36.

• I want to perform 50 pushups.

• I want to go a full week without eating any processed foods.

• I want to run a 40 yard dash in 5 seconds.

• I want to walk every single day for a month.

The problem with goals like this is that they are so specific, anything other than achieving the exact outcome means the person has effectively ‘fallen short’ or ‘failed’. Even if the person manages to lose 10 pounds, which would be an amazing result, the person has failed to achieve their precise goal.

Another really important point to remember here is that, as mere humans, we do not always know in precise detail what the best end result really should be. Sure, the person may have decided that the magical number should be 12 pounds. But this doesn’t mean that 12 pounds is the amount of weight they actually need to lose in order to look and feel great!

When setting goals for yourself, I suggest that you are much better off focusing on the feelings associated with your desired end point. Let go of the exact outcome you have in mind. In many ways, carrying around these overly specific end goals can actually become tiresome and take a lot of the joy out of the endeavour.

So, rather than saying you want to lose 12 pounds, focus on getting to a point where you feel great about the way you look. Rather than saying you have to study 4 chapters of your text book, say that you’ll study until you feel satisfied that great progress has been made or until you start to feel more confident about the topic. Without being tied to the need to bring about a very specific outcome, you’ll be much more likely to focus more on the action steps involved in completing small day to day challenges.

2. Consider using dates for the completion of your goals.

Without using specific outcomes, you’ll still need a way to keep yourself accountable for you goals. A way to do this without begin tied rigidly to very specific outcomes, is to set an end date for the completion of the goal. You could be very specific in this (2.30pm on Friday the 23rd) or less so (by the end of April). Doing this is a simple way to keep yourself motivated simply by looking at the calendar. Not everyone will need this approach, but some people certainly benefit from setting a definite completion date.

3. Plan to focus on your goals every day in order to evaluate your progress.

One thing that I have come to realize is that setting goals is totally pointless unless you have a definite plan in place for tracking your progress. This doesn’t have to be complicated. It doesn’t even have to take very long. But without this practice of regularly evaluating how things are going, setting goals is really just a waste of your time.

Even just a few minutes at the end of each day is plenty. In evaluating your progress, there is really just one question you need to ask: Today, did I more away from my goal or towards my goal? Doing this keeps the goal in mind and allows you to regularly update and refine your approach.

2. Set the goal that no matter what, you are going to enjoy the process!

You never want to get to the stage where the goals you set for yourself become very serious affairs! Lighten up with your goal setting. Consciously make the decision that it is now going to be something that brings you joy and fulfilment rather than anxiety and frustration. Believe it or not, making this conscious decision can transform your entire experience of goal setting.

1. Only ever set goals you know you WILL DEFINITELY achieve.

This is by far, the biggest secret of them all. All too often, I see people setting goals that are incredibly difficult and that require enormous effort to pull off. This in and of itself is fine – if you have gradually built up you ‘goal achieving capabilities’!

I cannot tell you the amount of people I have talked with who have described going through something similar to Peter. They constantly set large goals and are invariably met with failure. This is ALWAYS because they have failed to build up their capacity to set goals and follow through with them – gradually, over a period of time! By setting huge goals, they unknowingly set themselves up for failure. Then, setting any goals in the future only becomes linked with past failures.

It is vitally important to realize that repeating this cycle, over and over again, can have a very harmful effect on a person’s sense of self-respect. Setting goals, rather than enriching their lives, actually serves to make them feel worse about themselves. It can also lead to a sense of helplessness.

Just be mindful that this is a trap people often fall into. Instead of setting large difficult goals, start off by setting small, achievable goals. Then take pride and pleasure in achieving these goals. Over time, you will come to realize that you are capable of carrying through with things that are important to you. Your past experiences will all be positive and linked to success, making it possible to eventually take on even bigger goals.

The most important thing to remember is to be patient and not to go too far too fast. Remember, goal setting is fine, but failing in goal setting really sucks. Try not to make a habit of it!

TTYL,

David

#goalsetting #GetMotivation